What we think is causing suffering and feels painful is the path to healing. Although we despise discomfort and the feeling of unease if we go a little deeper it would reveal something which needs a release. This release also opens up the path for more of our own energy to flow in.
Use the suffering to find out what lies(literally)underneath the hurt, anger, sadness, guilt, shame etc. Like I used to get angry about other people’s thoughts on limitation about my capabilities to perform as an adult and when I looked deeper I realised that I was not confident of my capabilities. In some cases I had overcome my limitations but other people had their conditioning which they were not able to let go of. So I had to check within rather than bursting out in a fit of anger and pointing fingers at others quickly going to a defensive and then offensive mode.
Usually what really feels painful is when someone close to us brings up a wound and on a continuos basis, everyday. It becomes important to look into what exactly is getting triggered and badly needs a release. For most of us a common wound is is that of not being ‘good enough’ triggered by parents, teachers, bosses, spouses etc. Since it is coming from such close quarters and positions of authority we really need to be discerning whether it has any truth or it is something coming from a place of feeling good about themselves via putting another down.
Not everything is available to us at all times for healing, we can store memories and trauma in our cells till it becomes imperative that we work on the release. The conscious mind keeps us in the now so that we can focus on our day to day job. However when we think that something is bothering us ever so often it is time to work on ourselves or to take help from others who have worked on themselves.
So suffering when we are aware of it is not bad a it can lead us to growth and healing. What is unacceptable is continuing in the same situation without attempts to accept or repair and wallowing in self-pity.
If you are feeling a lack of love, appreciation, recognition it is likely that a part or some parts of the being are not being acknowledged.
When we deny, suppress a part of our being then we are holding back love from it.
Each polarity has to be felt to bring it into balance and create the whole.
For integration each polarity has to be acknowledged and felt to process it into a whole.
Parts which are not acknowledged or expressed stay inside and create havoc in the system. Through self work I was able to access parts of me which were unable to find expression. For example…I thought of myself as compassionate but there was also feelings of hatred, anger, revenge, jealousy, envy, resentment etc. Once these were acknowledged the polarity was brought into balance.
The way through is by going within and assimilating all that is ready to come up and be accessed for healing.
Sometimes the pain and the feeling can seem difficult to experience and we would rather stick to one polarity if that seems easier but this would continue to create a gap in the whole. Also the mind goes into a rumination mode which is an energy sapper. By bringing up past tales and events the focus is taken away from the present. In that case it would be advisable to go through the traumatic event and journal or express it in someways using gibberish, empty chair, journaling, nlp process etc.
However, things are also cyclical and layered in nature…sometimes we can access all parts and others are brought up in layers and in a cyclical manner so we can deal with it as it comes and not altogether overwhelmingly.
In the quest for a perfect job, spouse, house, salary, friend etc. many a times we move around in a frenzy seeking this and that working ourselves into a tizzy. There is no hurry and nowhere to reach i.e. that all search is actually a longing for a connection to the self.
The more the suffering the better the willingness and the greater the aspiration to move towards integration. Although it can be a pretty daunting and looks like a never ending search, do not attempt at bandaging it with therapies and procedures. If at all learn some tools and practise them to provide alignment if the energy seems out of alignment.
The being in each mineral, plant, animal and human has been programmed to reach its destination or potential. All parts of the being need purification namely the senses, perceptions and beliefs before the integration can be complete.
No point doing it piecemeal and dividing further the existence. An egg broken will not hatch a chicken, it will come out split into yoke and albumen. When it takes its time and is ready to survive the outside world and enjoy it…it will come out as single piece as “life”. Do not disturb it by cracking, shaking and taking pity at its suffering.
Trust that it is being guided by the intelligence that resides in each of its cells. All it needs is patience, warmth and some assurance of safety from the elements. Wait and be there like a midwife who stands besides to urge, wipe the sweat and checking for signs…all the while keeping in her mind her job of helping in delivering, cleaning and helping in the first bonding of baby and the mother.
What does it mean to be one’s own parent? Let’s see what a parent does? A parent nurtures, guides, provides safe environment for learning and growth, teaches discernment and provides beliefs and values.
When one takes over as a parent for themselves then certain values, guiding philosophies and nurturing are already in place and are being redefined,restructured as per the new environment,conditions and interactions with others.
What was right for the parent may not be suitable for the adult’s parent as going against the parent becomes a rebellious act or an adapted child act. What is needed is a reflection from an adult within to the arising needs and desires and to be open and free about letting them be.
Usually this is thwarted at the beginning by adopting rebellious or an adapted view. If one was left alone to decide the outcome and necessity of a particular need or desire then the emerging adult can be well integrated with his parent and child.
On a weekend course for integrated clinical hypnosis at an international community at Auroville the conversation at break time typically turned to comparing India with their respective countries. Since I was the only Indian in a group of ten different nationalities at times they felt apologetic about sounding critical of the Indian way of doing things whether it was dressing, education or culture and manners.
After day one, a lawyer from Brazil who had quit his job and was exploring the East Asian countries on a six month visa apologised for any bad feeling it might have caused and asked me what I felt about it? As I felt the eyes and attention from the 7 states of Europe and one from Brazil and another Australia awaiting my response I had a very unusual answer for once…I said,” I do not see things that way any more….I see people and maybe take a note of lifestyle choices but I am not in a judgemental space about it”.
Yes, it could me think, wonder, arouse curiosity but not a kind of separation. I am discovering humanity by letting go of my conditioning and evaluating for myself. For me choosing to see it my way only or being rigid about it causes limitation in my perception and understanding. However by noticing and not being caught by my thinking and judgement is expansion for me.
Okay… little sign of caution here: Do evaluate things for survival…like when you see a man looking like a terrorist approaching you with a gun.
The individual mind already carries with it a lot of conditions as favourable or unfavourable it thinks is important to survival. The conditioning starts at conception apart from the two predominant fears….the fear of falling and the fear of sudden loud noises. One keeps us in a vertical upright state so we can move around and not become glop! The other one keeps us alert to outside noises which could alert us against outside danger.And then there is past life conditioning apart from the conditioning from parents, caregivers, authority figures, religion, religious, spiritual figures, friends, role models etc. Wouldn’t it be nice if we used our conditioning to aid our growth and expansion rather than creating walls and separation to be locked up in a space of your own mind.
I find myself a perfect candidate for neurosis. When something appeals to me it has to be done. The plans and workings should start ASAP and if I procrastinate then it starts to cause the neurotic stress.
By the way, neurosis is mild mental inorganic disease caused by one’s own disposition and biases causing stress. So, there is hope. If you done it you can get out of it too.
What can be done to get out of the neurosis before it becomes a black hole gobbling essential vital energy? The first step seems to be very obvious…realize! Yes, realize that you are in the trap and progressively going deeper if you don’t stop loss.
What contributes or perhaps starts the process is seeing things in black and white, good or bad, ugly-beautiful, desirable-undesirable. When the scale starts sliding too much either way, the ground is set for neurosis to kick in. Now we want…the good and throw away or be done with the bad.
How the world contributes to this neurosis and so much early in life when we set the stage for this is good that is bad, blue for boy-pink for girl. What was a figure is classified not only for convinience but becomes the norm to be seen in a particular shade of light. There is no room for self discovery and choices that can be made. What stops us from exploring or being open….FEAR. What if…the catastrophical thinking!
I have been thinking of this neurotic effect on how we eat these days…there is so much advice, all free too. Eat this don’t eat that. Fine you start with chowing fruits and vegetables and then someone says that you can’t eat fruit in the night, too much raw is not good, Dalai Lama’s physician says food needs to be cooked a bit or it causes stress for the liver. Now what….I just don’t feel right about my food at all. Everything is tainted not by joy of what I have recieved as food for the day but under a perfectionist scanner of is it good or bad? Change isn’t always easy or the conditioning is deep so one feels now divided. I am supposed to be eating this but am eating ‘that’. I must weigh this much and look like this but am nowhere near that ideal. Calling in depression, defeat and not good enough feeling! When I see a teengager looking at weighing scales and screaming ‘I am not going to eat today’ I can’t help but wonder why this punishment(perperated by the guilt). Who sets these standards and why do we think that’s how it has to be….a need for love and approval from outside. Can we instead focus on looking at our own realistic picture…and providing for ourselves what is possible in the moment. Slowly moving towards providing the essentials for the body and wellbeing, tapping and tweaking what’s already available with ease. Even though I get carried away with labels of healthy, vegetarian, vegan, gluten free, processed etc….I realise I am losing my enthusiasm and joy if I go about it in a neurotic way. And what is supposed to nourish me ends up short of becoming a poison for my mind and being.
However, if we can pause, take stock we can unravel the pile with ease. Going layer by layer you can come out unharmed without having to stay in there or tear out in a hurry.
If one keeps their eyes open and mind in check there are many opportunities through the day from various people to learn.This morning as I headed to my healing centre, I stopped over to have some coconut water. After I finished drinking I extended the empty shell towards the vendor signalling to him to take it and dispose it. He quietly signalled towards the dust bin which was very much out in the open. I am used to such people taking it from my hand out of courtesy, as a part of their job or just as an absent minded kinda of a thing they do or like there is some unspoken vow to treat others better than themselves.
This was a great opportunity for me to introspect as this was a silent peaceful interaction. The thoughts that ran in my mind were:
Had I become too bourgeoisie?
Why didn’t his action bring out any anger it actually amused me?
And the biggest realisation was to come out of the auto-pilot and be more aware of people and surroundings.
Taking some wisdom from this all of us need to take care of ourselves and not sink into unconscious patterns how we have been treated by our parents and other authority figures.