On a weekend course for integrated clinical hypnosis at an international community at Auroville the conversation at break time typically turned to comparing India with their respective countries. Since I was the only Indian in a group of ten different nationalities at times they felt apologetic about sounding critical of the Indian way of doing things whether it was dressing, education or culture and manners.
After day one, a lawyer from Brazil who had quit his job and was exploring the East Asian countries on a six month visa apologised for any bad feeling it might have caused and asked me what I felt about it? As I felt the eyes and attention from the 7 states of Europe and one from Brazil and another Australia awaiting my response I had a very unusual answer for once…I said,” I do not see things that way any more….I see people and maybe take a note of lifestyle choices but I am not in a judgemental space about it”.
Yes, it could me think, wonder, arouse curiosity but not a kind of separation. I am discovering humanity by letting go of my conditioning and evaluating for myself. For me choosing to see it my way only or being rigid about it causes limitation in my perception and understanding. However by noticing and not being caught by my thinking and judgement is expansion for me.
Okay… little sign of caution here: Do evaluate things for survival…like when you see a man looking like a terrorist approaching you with a gun.
The individual mind already carries with it a lot of conditions as favourable or unfavourable it thinks is important to survival. The conditioning starts at conception apart from the two predominant fears….the fear of falling and the fear of sudden loud noises. One keeps us in a vertical upright state so we can move around and not become glop! The other one keeps us alert to outside noises which could alert us against outside danger.And then there is past life conditioning apart from the conditioning from parents, caregivers, authority figures, religion, religious, spiritual figures, friends, role models etc. Wouldn’t it be nice if we used our conditioning to aid our growth and expansion rather than creating walls and separation to be locked up in a space of your own mind.
I find myself a perfect candidate for neurosis. When something appeals to me it has to be done. The plans and workings should start ASAP and if I procrastinate then it starts to cause the neurotic stress.
By the way, neurosis is mild mental inorganic disease caused by one’s own disposition and biases causing stress. So, there is hope. If you done it you can get out of it too.
What can be done to get out of the neurosis before it becomes a black hole gobbling essential vital energy? The first step seems to be very obvious…realize! Yes, realize that you are in the trap and progressively going deeper if you don’t stop loss.
What contributes or perhaps starts the process is seeing things in black and white, good or bad, ugly-beautiful, desirable-undesirable. When the scale starts sliding too much either way, the ground is set for neurosis to kick in. Now we want…the good and throw away or be done with the bad.
How the world contributes to this neurosis and so much early in life when we set the stage for this is good that is bad, blue for boy-pink for girl. What was a figure is classified not only for convinience but becomes the norm to be seen in a particular shade of light. There is no room for self discovery and choices that can be made. What stops us from exploring or being open….FEAR. What if…the catastrophical thinking!
I have been thinking of this neurotic effect on how we eat these days…there is so much advice, all free too. Eat this don’t eat that. Fine you start with chowing fruits and vegetables and then someone says that you can’t eat fruit in the night, too much raw is not good, Dalai Lama’s physician says food needs to be cooked a bit or it causes stress for the liver. Now what….I just don’t feel right about my food at all. Everything is tainted not by joy of what I have recieved as food for the day but under a perfectionist scanner of is it good or bad? Change isn’t always easy or the conditioning is deep so one feels now divided. I am supposed to be eating this but am eating ‘that’. I must weigh this much and look like this but am nowhere near that ideal. Calling in depression, defeat and not good enough feeling! When I see a teengager looking at weighing scales and screaming ‘I am not going to eat today’ I can’t help but wonder why this punishment(perperated by the guilt). Who sets these standards and why do we think that’s how it has to be….a need for love and approval from outside. Can we instead focus on looking at our own realistic picture…and providing for ourselves what is possible in the moment. Slowly moving towards providing the essentials for the body and wellbeing, tapping and tweaking what’s already available with ease. Even though I get carried away with labels of healthy, vegetarian, vegan, gluten free, processed etc….I realise I am losing my enthusiasm and joy if I go about it in a neurotic way. And what is supposed to nourish me ends up short of becoming a poison for my mind and being.
However, if we can pause, take stock we can unravel the pile with ease. Going layer by layer you can come out unharmed without having to stay in there or tear out in a hurry.
If one keeps their eyes open and mind in check there are many opportunities through the day from various people to learn.This morning as I headed to my healing centre, I stopped over to have some coconut water. After I finished drinking I extended the empty shell towards the vendor signalling to him to take it and dispose it. He quietly signalled towards the dust bin which was very much out in the open. I am used to such people taking it from my hand out of courtesy, as a part of their job or just as an absent minded kinda of a thing they do or like there is some unspoken vow to treat others better than themselves.
This was a great opportunity for me to introspect as this was a silent peaceful interaction. The thoughts that ran in my mind were:
Had I become too bourgeoisie?
Why didn’t his action bring out any anger it actually amused me?
And the biggest realisation was to come out of the auto-pilot and be more aware of people and surroundings.
Taking some wisdom from this all of us need to take care of ourselves and not sink into unconscious patterns how we have been treated by our parents and other authority figures.
The following post is a fusion of ideas at 4:36 am between me and my significant half!
This post is not only based on my own perspective and opinion but it is also an observation of the consumerism tendencies in myself.
With the current demonetisation scenario one thing is surely up for change and that is the concept of ‘Market’. The bubble had swelled up enormously enough to upset the balance of the Eco system.
The hype, the frenzied activity and the liveliness of a buzzing economy had a feel good factor for everyone. Suddenly we could see families doing rounds in the mall, shopping and eating together on a weekly basis as against going to shop for festivals, functions and basic needs.
Services and products were being thought of, designed and packaged to cater to demands of individual and groups.
The downside of this was however the indiscriminate use of resources and a failure to think fully about the cleanup and refilling of resources.
Plastic and varied types of packaging along with the carbon footprints were growing without a thought or process to tackle it wisely.
Children were targeted to be taken to moon, well almost(actually to NASA)! To be shown the heights of growth and glory, to suggest and nudge them towards economic growth.
Did anyone think or care for their discarded tissues, water bottles, files, folders, food trays and packaging of all sorts?
Similarly, the organised birthday parties and weddings with tonnes of paper, flowers and food which turns useless and is left overflowing from the dustbin.
The various apparels, appliances, jewellery for woman and services to make her look delectably perfect were they enough to fill up her rightful anger, low self esteem and pain? The market was full of commodities to numb the pain temporarily.
Yet if we continue this way any longer we would have raided the entire planet in less than a decade!
This morning we had a debate at home about all the propaganda kinda messages on family whatsapp group about Mody and Government….how these messages seem pesky and inappropriate on the extended family whatsapp group!
We are living in a democracy with a chosen elected representative and not in some Raja-Praja system.
If anything needs to be praised it is the people who have largely agreed to this experiment and doing their bit to maintain peace while helping each other. People have managed to retain their sanity and not give in to fear and panic. By and large the law and order is being followed even though it has caused some inconvenience and calls for planning expenditures differently.
Last weekend after a call from relatives on stocking up I selected about 78 and odd stuff from big basket(groceries, veggies, fruits etc.). And then I decided to not go ahead with this panic shopping….having 5 kgs of wheat flour and rice might give me some extra food but thats not what the solution is!
I have survived this week and so did the nation and hope it continues to be so. And even if there are problems may we come up with viable solutions and camaraderie.
Its time to own up with the collective and self responsibility…. no more one person to be praised or to be brought down!
So, I came across this term in a book Action Bias.
This was such a Aha moment for me as the understanding kicked in… I had been pushing myself to do something, anything to justify my existence.
We are brought up to keep doing things to improve and move ahead…our first teachers our parents pushed us to study and learn based on their model of the world. This was mostly met with resistance as we were not aware of the rewards or the usefulness of this. It meant a boring activity more like a burden which threatened our relaxing into our being, thoughts, dreams and existence.
Ultimately, we gave in thinking it was something which was a necessary thing to do to survive in this world and become somebody. As an adult we find that all that learning was of no use as we could not connect it to a larger picture. Once past the learning stage comes a vacuum which cannot be filled with knowledge…wisdom was required. Some people seem to get it and some keep seeking looking up to authority figures or the ones who looked sorted.
What is missing was the lessons in courage, wisdom, resilience and a lack of self-knowledge. These things are not taught at school and left to be figured out through experiences. Some people keep themselves open to such learning experiences others make safety nets and follow the older role models to fit in effortlessly.
The unfortunate ones keep trying by being in the frenzy of doing this and that to generally fill the hole left by a lack of direction, a conviction of self till one day they realise that how much ever they try to fill in the hole the gap remains.
It is possible to wake up and realise your truth to live your purpose which isn’t incessant activity as this frenzied activity is short termed and dries up at some point or the other. When that happens it is stressful as the need to birth the creativity becomes pushing to become a useful expression.
So there are a lot of women out there who want to break out sick with the behaviour of men in their lives.
While the behaviour is intolerable and unforgiving as it attacks the self confidence and self respect yet they are unable to raise their voice against it and even accept that it hurts while it happens again and again… relentlessly.
What is behind this inability is it the way they were brought up to go through hurtful behaviour while growing up with parents and siblings?
Does it feel shameful that it is happening to them and they do not want to scream or ask for help. Is it the guilt of feeling inadequate which keeps them in low energy and vibration unable to feel good for themselves and validate self for feeling deserving of good behaviour.
It is one thing to point the wrong and another to keep them in fear, guilt and shame so that they would accept it as their responsibility to let it remain a secret, wound perhaps addiction.
Wonder what would help heal this pattern which continues to wage a war as much within as outside.
What needs to change, shift?
How do we strengthen the feminine without making them masculine?
Where does it all start and where does it end?