Neurosis

I find myself a perfect candidate for neurosis. When something appeals to me it has to be done. The plans and workings should start ASAP and if I procrastinate then it starts to cause the neurotic stress.
By the way, neurosis is mild mental inorganic disease caused by one’s own disposition and biases causing stress. So, there is hope. If you done it you can get out of it too.
What can be done to get out of the neurosis before it becomes a black hole gobbling essential vital energy? The first step seems to be very obvious…realize! Yes, realize that you are in the trap and progressively going deeper if you don’t stop loss.
What contributes or perhaps starts the process is seeing things in black and white, good or bad, ugly-beautiful, desirable-undesirable. When the scale starts sliding too much either way, the ground is set for neurosis to kick in. Now we want…the good and throw away or be done with the bad.
How the world contributes to this neurosis and so much early in life when we set the stage for this is good that is bad, blue for boy-pink for girl. What was a figure is classified not only for convinience but becomes the norm to be seen in a particular shade of light. There is no room for self discovery and choices that can be made. What stops us from exploring or being open….FEAR. What if…the catastrophical thinking!
I have been thinking of this neurotic effect on how we eat these days…there is so much advice, all free too. Eat this don’t eat that. Fine you start with chowing fruits and vegetables and then someone says that you can’t eat fruit in the night, too much raw is not good, Dalai Lama’s physician says food needs to be cooked a bit or it causes stress for the liver. Now what….I just don’t feel right about my food at all. Everything is tainted not by joy of what I have recieved as food for the day but under a perfectionist scanner of is it good or bad? Change isn’t always easy or the conditioning is deep so one feels now divided. I am supposed to be eating this but am eating ‘that’. I must weigh this much and look like this but am nowhere near that ideal. Calling in depression, defeat and not good enough feeling! When I see a teengager looking at weighing scales and screaming ‘I am not going to eat today’ I can’t help but wonder why this punishment(perperated by the guilt). Who sets these standards and why do we think that’s how it has to be….a need for love and approval from outside. Can we instead focus on looking at our own realistic picture…and providing for ourselves what is possible in the moment. Slowly moving towards providing the essentials for the body and wellbeing, tapping and tweaking what’s already available with ease. Even though I get carried away with labels of healthy, vegetarian, vegan, gluten free, processed etc….I realise I am losing my enthusiasm and joy if I go about it in a neurotic way. And what is supposed to nourish me ends up short of becoming a poison for my mind and being.
However, if we can pause, take stock we can unravel the pile with ease. Going layer by layer you can come out unharmed without having to stay in there or tear out in a hurry.

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