If you are wondering why do you feel unloved and unaccepted at times or have anger, resentment, hurt, doubt, suspicion at others then remember that these particular feelings need to be accessed and breathed into.
The process of breathing into the feeling rather than getting consumed by it and bursting inwards or outwards helps release the charge so an understanding, clarity can happen which helps bring back the balance in the system.
The more we can release the more space is cleared for the love and acceptance to grow. However, it would be good to remember that we can do it only as much and how much we can safely release. Sometimes things can go fast and at other times they are slow. Sometimes the energy needs to be built up so it can gain sufficient mass and momentum for effective release.
Also important to remember is that we might feel triggered from outside however those triggers could be just there for surfacing of emotions covering the wound. It would be good to not get into a blame game or get defensive about it and thereby scuttle the process of release also possibly creating further wounding and postponing the clearing.
The most important part to remember in this whole clearing process or self work is to work with self compassion and self love. There are going to be times when we deny, defend and blame the person/situation supposedly causing the pain/conflict. And “Its OKAY”….as my teacher says…take your time. Do not be in a hurry to complete the process, enjoy the journey too!
Many a times while working at a problem, looking for solutions and feeling a certain way through which you cannot think through we over exert ourselves by trying hard to find instant solutions & fixes.
Awareness can throw light but to get understanding we must wait for cause of trigger to arrive at the next step. The more the active searching… we start exploring the many possible causes which are like open-ended tunnels and we don’t know which one we should go through.
It also becomes overwhelming by having to think through all the possibilities and get to address the problem.
Trying to logically or intellectually solve it becomes an added burden to the internal processing which is already happening. It would be a good idea to sit with acceptance of the problem for a while as some understanding pops up.
Meanwhile writing, listening, movement can help release the emotional unease to access logical reasoning part where a deeper understanding and action can be revealed for facilitating healing.
So while trying to change a behaviour or a habit is difficult unless the charge (emotional) around it is dissipated by observing and staying with the uncomfortable feelings. Once the emotion is felt, expressed and moved around a clarity emerges for steps to be taken.
And sometimes we fix a goal or agenda for our future and try hard to achieve it somehow whereas another path has already been chosen which could lead to same destination however in a different manner than being envisioned.
Each and every being is part of light and the source. However sometimes we forget that part of us as our light is blocked by self or others. Sometimes it happens in the childhood that we are not even aware of the incident as an adult yet a hurt part is created and plays out till we access it, accept it and work on it.
Self loathing plays out in many ways other than just a non-acceptance of our being. Like when we continue to do things which are not really helping us, practising behaviour which is hurting, not accepting and working with our creativity.
When the feeling of non-acceptance surfaces as perhaps a not ok feeling within us we are more likely to numb it with activities which keep us asleep and unaware.
It could be a good idea to talk to someone(therapist) or write down what is bothering you. Once you break down what’s bothering you it will take you back to where the understanding got muddled and led to a change in thinking.
A lot of work is done when acceptance happens, a non-judgemental acceptance for what’s happening currently and what happened previously. With that acceptance and the acceptance of who we are it is possible to get back to the state where something went wrong or changed course.
What we think is causing suffering and feels painful is the path to healing. Although we despise discomfort and the feeling of unease if we go a little deeper it would reveal something which needs a release. This release also opens up the path for more of our own energy to flow in.
Use the suffering to find out what lies(literally)underneath the hurt, anger, sadness, guilt, shame etc. Like I used to get angry about other people’s thoughts on limitation about my capabilities to perform as an adult and when I looked deeper I realised that I was not confident of my capabilities. In some cases I had overcome my limitations but other people had their conditioning which they were not able to let go of. So I had to check within rather than bursting out in a fit of anger and pointing fingers at others quickly going to a defensive and then offensive mode.
Usually what really feels painful is when someone close to us brings up a wound and on a continuos basis, everyday. It becomes important to look into what exactly is getting triggered and badly needs a release. For most of us a common wound is is that of not being ‘good enough’ triggered by parents, teachers, bosses, spouses etc. Since it is coming from such close quarters and positions of authority we really need to be discerning whether it has any truth or it is something coming from a place of feeling good about themselves via putting another down.
Not everything is available to us at all times for healing, we can store memories and trauma in our cells till it becomes imperative that we work on the release. The conscious mind keeps us in the now so that we can focus on our day to day job. However when we think that something is bothering us ever so often it is time to work on ourselves or to take help from others who have worked on themselves.
So suffering when we are aware of it is not bad a it can lead us to growth and healing. What is unacceptable is continuing in the same situation without attempts to accept or repair and wallowing in self-pity.
If you are feeling a lack of love, appreciation, recognition it is likely that a part or some parts of the being are not being acknowledged.
When we deny, suppress a part of our being then we are holding back love from it.
Each polarity has to be felt to bring it into balance and create the whole.
For integration each polarity has to be acknowledged and felt to process it into a whole.
Parts which are not acknowledged or expressed stay inside and create havoc in the system. Through self work I was able to access parts of me which were unable to find expression. For example…I thought of myself as compassionate but there was also feelings of hatred, anger, revenge, jealousy, envy, resentment etc. Once these were acknowledged the polarity was brought into balance.
The way through is by going within and assimilating all that is ready to come up and be accessed for healing.
Sometimes the pain and the feeling can seem difficult to experience and we would rather stick to one polarity if that seems easier but this would continue to create a gap in the whole. Also the mind goes into a rumination mode which is an energy sapper. By bringing up past tales and events the focus is taken away from the present. In that case it would be advisable to go through the traumatic event and journal or express it in someways using gibberish, empty chair, journaling, nlp process etc.
However, things are also cyclical and layered in nature…sometimes we can access all parts and others are brought up in layers and in a cyclical manner so we can deal with it as it comes and not altogether overwhelmingly.
In the quest for a perfect job, spouse, house, salary, friend etc. many a times we move around in a frenzy seeking this and that working ourselves into a tizzy. There is no hurry and nowhere to reach i.e. that all search is actually a longing for a connection to the self.
The more the suffering the better the willingness and the greater the aspiration to move towards integration. Although it can be a pretty daunting and looks like a never ending search, do not attempt at bandaging it with therapies and procedures. If at all learn some tools and practise them to provide alignment if the energy seems out of alignment.
The being in each mineral, plant, animal and human has been programmed to reach its destination or potential. All parts of the being need purification namely the senses, perceptions and beliefs before the integration can be complete.
No point doing it piecemeal and dividing further the existence. An egg broken will not hatch a chicken, it will come out split into yoke and albumen. When it takes its time and is ready to survive the outside world and enjoy it…it will come out as single piece as “life”. Do not disturb it by cracking, shaking and taking pity at its suffering.
Trust that it is being guided by the intelligence that resides in each of its cells. All it needs is patience, warmth and some assurance of safety from the elements. Wait and be there like a midwife who stands besides to urge, wipe the sweat and checking for signs…all the while keeping in her mind her job of helping in delivering, cleaning and helping in the first bonding of baby and the mother.
What does it mean to be one’s own parent? Let’s see what a parent does? A parent nurtures, guides, provides safe environment for learning and growth, teaches discernment and provides beliefs and values.
When one takes over as a parent for themselves then certain values, guiding philosophies and nurturing are already in place and are being redefined,restructured as per the new environment,conditions and interactions with others.
What was right for the parent may not be suitable for the adult’s parent as going against the parent becomes a rebellious act or an adapted child act. What is needed is a reflection from an adult within to the arising needs and desires and to be open and free about letting them be.
Usually this is thwarted at the beginning by adopting rebellious or an adapted view. If one was left alone to decide the outcome and necessity of a particular need or desire then the emerging adult can be well integrated with his parent and child.