Always remember you are never alone even in this journey you are with people who are with you. Like the white birds which fly in a group for common destination are leading by turns so you need not feel lesser by following, allowing others to lead or feeling not strong enough that you are not currently leading.

While doing self work there is a point when you master something and become anxious to share, lead however sometimes that might not happen immediately. This might lead to getting impatient and frustrated and taking it personally and maybe even leading to stopping the practises or losing trust.

It would be wise to know that just like parents know when the child is ready and it is time to give them approval of going ahead with their own plans and taking responsibility for their lives…the work would also lead to taking you to a place where you can take charge of a group and lead.

Till then it is okay to follow and watch, learn from others how they lead. Even though the ego might say that you are being a follower or just wasting time in other’s spaces know that you are contributing equally by being a co-worker.

Assuming we have many different parts which come together to form an identity of our ‘here ‘and ‘now’ self the parts which are healed and are working in harmony sometimes are challenged ever so often by the unhealed and the unloved parts as there is a tug of war between them to establish authority and claim the power centre.

As we recognise this conflict in us we have to be sensitive and aware of the operating ego moment to moment and keep the inner adult in charge of the internal environment and function. This is important as a lot of time and energy can go wasted listening to the internal dialogue and the tug of war between two warring parts. Like an adult would it would be wise to take a breath, claim control and focus on what needs to be done in the given circumstance and moment.

Some of us have a challenged relationship with authority. It would be wise to look at the dynamics between a parent, teacher, boss and other authority figures and decide the amount of control that can be allowed and to watch out if there is some kind of internal rebelling which does not show on surface. Sometimes if it is nurturing then one can allow the lead to be taken by another while we do our supporting roles….a good follower only can become a good leader.


If it sounds shameful, guilty and fearful…write about it. The truth will come forward. Don’t fight it alone or in the mind

We all have an inner critic and this critical voice varies from person to person in the frequency and tone. For some it can be quite gripping and they have it relentlessly attacking them, for others its not so often but can be very harsh.

In my inner work journey I saw how my inner critic had me in the grips of seeing things in black and white with no room for mercy. I felt unable to move and plan things on my own, hardly satisfied by whatever I could too. There was always this nagging feeling that me and others according to some standards were not good enough, trying enough or just flawed.

As much I tried to control things for myself and others I knew that it was useless because this attack would come back time and again in the quiet and comfort of my being. It was difficult to please or let go off as I did to know what could be done to get peace.

This internal chatter, voice of authority, shame and guilt would go on and on plundering any amount of self respect and image that I could work on. It became evident that my ego personality was vulnerable to this attack regardless of time, space or status.

Till I started writing about my experiences and finding out the truth in each of my thought, feeling, behaviour I just went along with the voice of inner critic. Once I started writing and could find my truth for the moment I could then take steps to accepting my thoughts, feelings and actions by evaluating where I am in my journey to planning the next course of action.

Slowly the experiences were not just good or bad, black or white, true or false about praise or criticism…there were suddenly many perspectives which provided the view of the same picture with different shades of light and colour creating a different version.

I would suggest that instead of trying to fight the inner critic or dialogue with it, it would be the best to write about it or talk to someone who can listen without judging, interrupting or advising. This would let you hear, see and feel the whole truth lest the mind takes over and gives many different suggestions and versions….one minute this feels right and the next something totally opposite of it which results in confusion.

There are also times when we internalise another’s inner critic like of parents, spouse, friend, authority figures and whoever we have given our power to. It would be good to evaluate by writing and reflecting if your belief and inner critic’s version match in this inner conflict. Sometimes the child within has picked up beliefs from parents which the inner critic uses to judge our current reality so some inner work of looking at life positions would be helpful.








On a weekend course for integrated clinical hypnosis at an international community at Auroville the conversation at break time typically turned to comparing India with their respective countries. Since I was the only Indian in a group of ten different nationalities at times they felt apologetic about sounding critical of the Indian way of doing things whether it was dressing, education or culture and manners.
After day one, a lawyer from Brazil who had quit his job and was exploring the East Asian countries on a six month visa apologised for any bad feeling it might have caused and asked me what I felt about it? As I felt the eyes and attention from the 7 states of Europe and one from Brazil and another Australia awaiting my response I had a very unusual answer for once…I said,” I do not see things that way any more….I see people and maybe take a note of lifestyle choices but I am not in a judgemental space about it”.
Yes, it could me think, wonder, arouse curiosity but not a kind of separation. I am discovering humanity by letting go of my conditioning and evaluating for myself. For me choosing to see it my way only or being rigid about it causes limitation in my perception and understanding. However by noticing and not being caught by my thinking and judgement is expansion for me.
Okay… little sign of caution here: Do evaluate things for survival…like when you see a man looking like a terrorist approaching you with a gun.
The individual mind already carries with it a lot of conditions as favourable or unfavourable it thinks is important to survival. The conditioning starts at conception apart from the two predominant fears….the fear of falling and the fear of sudden loud noises. One keeps us in a vertical upright state so we can move around and not become glop! The other one keeps us alert to outside noises which could alert us against outside danger.And then there is past life conditioning apart from the conditioning from parents, caregivers, authority figures, religion, religious, spiritual figures, friends, role models etc. Wouldn’t it be nice if we used our conditioning to aid our growth and expansion rather than creating walls and separation to be locked up in a space of your own mind.

Action Bias

So, I came across this term in a book Action Bias.

Action Bias
Action Bias
This was such a Aha moment for me as the understanding kicked in… I had been pushing myself to do something, anything to justify my existence.
We are brought up to keep doing things to improve and move ahead…our first teachers our parents pushed us to study and learn based on their model of the world. This was mostly met with resistance as we were not aware of the rewards or the usefulness of this. It meant a boring activity more like a burden which threatened our relaxing into our being, thoughts, dreams and existence.
Ultimately, we gave in thinking it was something which was a necessary thing to do to survive in this world and become somebody. As an adult we find that all that learning was of no use as we could not connect it to a larger picture. Once past the learning stage comes a vacuum which cannot be filled with knowledge…wisdom was required. Some people seem to get it and some keep seeking looking up to authority figures or the ones who looked sorted.
What is missing was the lessons in courage, wisdom, resilience and a lack of self-knowledge. These things are not taught at school and left to be figured out through experiences. Some people keep themselves open to such learning experiences others make safety nets and follow the older role models to fit in effortlessly.
The unfortunate ones keep trying by being in the frenzy of doing this and that to generally fill the hole left by a lack of direction, a conviction of self till one day they realise that how much ever they try to fill in the hole the gap remains.
It is possible to wake up and realise your truth to live your purpose which isn’t incessant activity as this frenzied activity is short termed and dries up at some point or the other. When that happens it is stressful as the need to birth the creativity becomes pushing to become a useful expression.